


That Dragon, Destroyer

by Alex_Sanderson



Category: Monbebe, Monsta X (Band)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-03
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2020-10-06 15:14:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20509082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alex_Sanderson/pseuds/Alex_Sanderson
Summary: After years of being together, not just as a couple, but as friends, Alexis and Hoseok (Wonho) part ways due to her will. They both refuse to accept it, but no one does anything to fix the situation until he gets a call from a friend. Hoseok drops his phone and rushes outside on the streets of Seoul, running as fast as he can to the hospital, one think in his mind.Alexis was in the chemotherapy section.And she wasn't a visitor there.





	1. Two Ways

– _We should walk our separate ways._

Those were the few words that made his whole world crumble to millions of piece. Was she serious? Did she mean it? It’s been years, things were going on just fine. She had to be joking. He frowned a little, shaking his head, sure that it was another one of her jokes. It wouldn’t be the first time she did something like that.

– It’s not funny the second time.

– I’m not joking.

His heart started beating faster, as if trying to get out of his chest. His stomach was twisting and turning, making him almost throw up and the tears that were trying to get to him weren’t helping too much either. She was breaking up with him. After all the time spent together, after his fans accepted her, she was leaving. He shook his head, reaching out to take her hand, but she pulled back before he even had the chance.

– Why? he asked in a low voice, trying his best to stay strong. What did I do?

– Nothing, it’s not your fault, she answered showing him a small smile. It’s on me, really.

As much as he was trying to say something, the words were stuck in his throat. It felt as if the moment he would try speaking, all his emotions would come rushing in, ruining him right there and there were too many people around. She slowly got up, taking her backpack with her and leaving the café as she felt tears rushing to her face as well. She couldn’t explain to him why she had to leave and he couldn’t understand what he did wrong for her to leave. All he could do was watch her get away from him until she completely disappeared.

He decided to not linger around anymore either, not knowing when he might break down and it wasn’t the place for that. He wasn’t even sure where he could have a moment of peace, thinking of taking a walk, but he just never knew who could see him. If he went back to the dorm, he might as well end up crying any moment and he didn’t feel like telling what just happened to him. It was like being trapped.

After all, all he could do was slowly walk towards the dorm and go straight in his room, hoping that no one will come to see how he’s doing. He only wished he knew what happened to them, to their relationship.

Alexis was her name and they knew each other since they were children. They’ve been there for each other in any situation, good or bad, and promised to be there until the end. Now, with their relationship being done, he didn’t even knew if they were at least friends anymore. She just left before he could ask for any kind of explanation, not looking back at least once. From his point of view, she looked confidence in her decision and it was slowly killing him.

The timing couldn’t be any worse either. Monsta X just returned from their world tour a week ago and during the whole tour he only saw Alexis once, in Chicago, when she traveled with work, but also to see them in concert and spend a little time with her lover. Since he was back home, that was their second meeting and he was welcomed with a break up.

Was it the world tour? Has he been away for too long in all that time? Did he become distant during that time? He couldn’t help but wonder. But… Alexis said she understands, that she will wait. Then what has happened? He simply couldn’t tell, there were so many things going on in his mind, he simply felt sick.

Upon returning to the dorm, he avoided everyone and went straight in his room, even locking the door behind him. He didn’t want anyone to walk in his room, he just wanted to be alone for a short time. He even felt like eating alone and that wasn’t his style at all.

On the other side, _her side_, she’s been crying ever since she left Hoseok alone, the only thought in her mind being to hurry home.

_Hurry, hurry, hurry. _

It was the right decision to take, those were the words keeping her mind a little calmer. Even if it wouldn’t have been there, she would have still left later and it was going to be worse. She was cursing a lot of decisions she made among her life, thinking about how things would have been if she didn’t do some things.

She dropped on the couch the moment she got inside her apartment, taking the results from the doctor from the table where she left them just a day ago, reading them over and over again, but everything was right on the files and she had to accept what was going on.

She was going to leave.


	2. Guitar lesson

Two weeks passed harder than they should, for both of them. Hoseok talked to his members after all, it was inevitable with him being sad almost all the time. The shock for them was almost as big as it was for him, all of them deciding to not press any further. If he needed to talk he knew where to find them.

Waking up earlier and with not much of a schedule for the day, he decided to hit the gym for a morning work-out. The same gym him and Alexis used to go to. Except, he hadn’t seen her ever since the break up and he felt too scared to call. He was hoping to see her there, if not to ask for reasons, to at the very least ask if they were still friends. But he didn’t see her that day either, making him sigh.

– Excuse me, he told the gym owner, both him and her being now friends with him. Have you seen Alexis by any chance?

– It’s been two weeks since she’s been here, the man answered, slowly shaking his head.

Hoseok thanked him, turning around with a sad face. Was she trying to avoid him that much? It wasn’t only that he didn’t catch her while she was there, but she wasn’t coming at all. So, he decided to let go of some of his anger in the gym that day, working harder than usual, if that was even normal.

If he called, would he answer? And if she answered, what would he ask? Would he, after all, ask why she took that decision or would he get stuck, not saying anything? The amount of questions filling his mind was too much to handle, making him hate the fact that he wasn’t in control of the situation, that he didn’t have anything to say in any of it.

For once in two weeks, time passed faster, two hours going by without him even noticing. It felt good for once to simply lose contact with the world, to not have anything to focus on. Not his relationship, not his friendships, not his family or career, nothing. He knew that time heals and he was hoping for the same miracle to happen to him. Sooner or later.

He left the gym, saying goodbye to the owner and hurrying a little home. Him and the boys wanted to join Jooheon in the studio for the day while he was working on his next project. To support him and maybe to joke around as well, but just maybe.

***

The boys were joking around a little after Jooheon took a break, Hoseok sharing his laugh as well, but not as excited as the boys. Others get over a relationship so fast and he was thinking about how he was trapped in an endless loop of thinking if he did anything. A guilt he thought he had constantly ate him alive, making him vulnerable to anything. He felt like the simple mention of her name would make him cry again. He lost more than a girlfriend, he lost a friend he cared for and protected for years. His thought were interrupted by his own phone ringing, the rest of the boys also getting a little more quiet.

He answered the phone, still standing on the couch and greeting the friend who just called him. They exchanged a few words before Hoseok was hit with a question that made his back straighten, ready to get up in any moment.

– Did something happen to Alex?

It wasn’t a question regarding their relationship, no. Such a question would have sounded differently. And besides, no one except for his group members knew that they weren’t together anymore. His friend wouldn’t know, so he was filled with worry at such a question.

– What do you mean? Hoseok asked, his hand griping tight on the arm of the couch.

– I saw her around the hospital and… She didn’t look like she was visiting someone, she looked like a patient.

That was enough to make him stand up, getting the attention of everyone else in the room, silence taking over. Why would she be a patient? Was she sick? Did something happen? Why would she possible be in the hospital? All kinds of ideas were roaming in his mind, making him scared, panicked, not knowing what to expect.

– Was she alright? What hospital? Hoseok asked in a serious voice, something you’d rarely hear from him.

His friend from the other end took a moment of silence, trying to put the words in order in his mind. He was about to tell Hoseok something he would definitely not like, not even a little bit. He felt like it wasn’t his place to say something like that, seeing how Hoseok didn’t even seem to know what was happening, but he already made the call.

– The Asan Medical Center. I don’t want to alarm you, the boy started, sighing and taking a deep breath. She just got out of the chemotherapy section.

– What..? Hoseok said, stopping dead in track, looking panicked across the floor, his legs shaking.

– She also didn’t… Alex doesn’t have hair anymore.

With that, Hoseok dropped his phone on the floor, rushing outside the room, the others shouting after him, but he couldn’t hear anything. All he was hearing in mind were her words, over and over again.

_“We should walk our separate ways.”_

Chemotherapy, no more hair, ending the relationship. Was that why she left? Was she sick like that? Then why would she leave? His mind wasn’t in the right place anymore, he was so messed up at the moment that he just kept running, not thinking even for a split second to take a taxi. As long as he wasn’t on his own two legs for the moment, anything else seemed to slow.

He ran for a good while, not even feeling the tiredness in his legs as the adrenaline rush was too big. He was going to feel everything later, but his mind wasn’t there. His mind was at the hospital and at the lover that left him two weeks ago with no explanation and today he was getting an answer no matter what. 

The very moment he got inside the hospital, he stopped by the reception to ask where the chemotherapy area was before running again, almost tripping on thin air. The nurse working at the reception called out for him, but he was long gone, running like a mad man. He only stopped after he reached the chemotherapy area, starting to look around for _her_. He needed to see her, to make sure she is fine. Only he wished for was Alexis to be fine, she could leave if she didn’t want him anymore, but he desperately needed to know she is fine.

He only stopped walking around the place when he heard laughing from one of the room and a voice he knew oh, so well. He slowly got closer, seeing her there, sitting on a chair and a bunch of kids sitting on the floor, paying their whole attention to her. She was wearing one of those hospital gowns, looking a little slimmer than he remembered her and her hair was… Gone, just like that. And even with that, she was laughing and making the kids who seemed to admired her so much laugh as well.

– After that, I start all over again, she said, telling a little story to the kids. Things go well for a little while and, boom! I fall again, like the idiot I am. You, little guys, like making fun of me, don’t you?

The kids laughed again, Alexis giggling while slowly shaking her head. But no one observed Hoseok who watched from the door frame, tears gathering in his eyes while he looked at her. He tried to call for her a few times, only to realize she was talking, so he stopped. He didn’t hear her, not a single word he said. When she finally took a small break, he took a deep breath, calling out her name, not knowing what to do to not cry anymore.

Alexis remained stuck for a few seconds, wanting to believe her mind was playing a trick on her, to believe it wasn’t him, but someone else, but she knew his voice. She knew his voice well enough to be in a crowd of thousands and know which voice was his. She slowly turned around, sadness flooding in her heart as she saw him. They were both just as weak as the other one, at a loss of words, but wanting to hold each other.

– Is he your boyfriend? a little girl asked, making Alexis turn around and only show a weak smile.

– I’ll be back in a few minutes, she told the kids getting up, but she raised one finger. No eavesdropping.

The kids agreed, turning to each other, some even grabbing some toys while she left the room, closing the door behind her. Hoseok looked at her from head to toe, sighing to chase the tears away and he ran both his hands through his hair. She wasn’t able to look at him, not knowing how to explain the whole situation. It wasn’t entirely her fault for the situation, but a part of it was.

– What happened? Hoseok asked carefully brushing a finger along her cheek, his eyes tearing up already as he lost control over his feelings.

– You wouldn’t believe me if I said I donated hair, would you? she asked putting her own hand over his to keep it on her cheek, the warmth of his touching being so calming.

– I wouldn’t.

Alexis took a deep breath, turning her head around just to make sure the door is closed so the kids wouldn’t hear them. She wishe she listened to him more some time ago, maybe she wouldn’t be in that situation, but it was already too late. Time was wasting with every moment that went by, Hoseok getting impatient as he was waiting for an answer.

She didn’t know how to say it, do it straight or try to explain the situation a little? But there wasn’t much to explain, so she gave her answer straight, crossing her arms and avoiding his eyes.

– I’m cancer sick.

He was sure about it, but a part of him hoped for it to not be true. Hearing her say those words made his world shook so powerful, he almost fell down. It took all the strength he owns to keep standing on his feet.

She used to smoke, maybe not that much, but she was for sure doing it. All the times he asked Alexis to stop flashed right before his eyes. For the first time in forever he wanted to yell at her, to scold her, ask why the hell did she keep doing that. But he couldn’t. He never yelled at her and his heart wouldn’t allow him to do it now. It wasn’t going to help either, it would just make the situation worse. She was already dealing with cancer, she had enough going on, he couldn’t add being yelled at and feeling guilty on the list.

Instead, he leaned on a hand against the wall, closing his eyes for a few seconds. He needed some time to put his thoughts in order before speaking again and messing up.

– You.., he started looking at her for a second before shaking his head. I mean, is this why you left? People get cured, they do the… The chemotherapy, there is also surgery, some people get cured-…

– They gave me a year.

Hoseok stopped talking in the blink of an eye, looking around aimlessly. His mind was clouded, the only thing he could hear was her sentence, over and over again.

_They gave me a year._

A year. She was going to leave him in a year and this time it would have been forever. He looked up, taking a deep breath before his eyes landed on her. She moved her head to a side again, though, a forced smile spreading on her lips.

– They…, she said stopping for a few moments to take a deep breath, then the same smile spread on her face. I have an expiration date.

His heart stopped for a second hearing her, words feeling like arrow going straight to his soul. The two eventually turned their heads towards each other. They were looking each other in the eye, until he slowly got closer, hugging her so tight, he felt like the moment he would let go, she will be gone forever. Her arms slowly found their way around his body, Alexis hiding her head in his shoulder, away from the world surrounding them. She haven’t felt that safe in a long while.

– Let me stay, he whispered bringing her a little closer, if that was even possible anymore.

– You will hate this, she said bringing one of her hands in his hair, carefully playing in it.

– Please, let me stay.

– Is he your boyfriend? asked a little girl, looking at them from the door frame.

Alexis and Hoseok pulled away from each other being startled by the voice. While he turned around to wipe away his tears, she turned towards the kids, frowning at them in a playful way. Three kids were standing there, a girl and two boys, eavesdropping for everyone else probably, but the little girl, who’s name was Jiyoung, couldn’t hold back from asking. It wasn’t the first time she would ask Alexis if she had a boyfriend, but seeing Hoseok, she was very sure of it now.

– What did I say about eavesdropping? Alexis asked crossing her arm and staring at them.

– You promised to play the guitar for us! one of the boys said, trying to get the subject so she would forget and not be mad anymore as he thought she was.

She rolled her eyes, laughing a little and she signed for them to go back in the room. After seeing the kids gone, she turned towards her lover, taking his hand so he would turn to her. Hoseok’s eyes were red due to crying and he looked a little like a mess, even his hair not staying as it should after he ran his hands through it so violently.

– Stay, she said fixing his hair with her free hand, her touch making him calm down a little. Please, stay.

Hoseok nodded his head, showing a little smile. He tried to put the aside the thought that she only had such little left to live, wanting to spend as much time with her as possible. Besides, being next to her again was exactly what he needed.

They both walked in still holding hands. It wasn’t a secret that they were dating, so the kids could know as well, it wasn’t making much of a different. Alexis sat back on her chair, not before grabbing the guitar in the corner, and Hoseok pulled a chair for himself, sitting next to her. The girl was just about to start singing, when an idea popped in her mind so she gave the guitar to Hoseok. He looked confused at her, then at the guitar and back at his lover who had somewhat of an evil smile on her face. He knew her and her unpredictable personality, so he already didn’t know what to expect from her.

– I remember trying to teach you how to play the guitar, she said crossing her legs on the chair. I want to see if my lessons worked.

– Is this really the time to test me? her lover asked, raising his eyebrows and blinking fast while his eyes were on her all the time.

Instead of getting an answer, she just shrugged her shoulders, waiting for him to start playing. Hoseok looked at the kids who were still standing on the carpet and whose attention was all on him. He sighed, knowing very well how he didn’t learn too much on the piano and he could feel himself messing up.

He started off good, playing the first few notes of an easier song, until his fingers slipped and he sang the wrong note, making him stop right away. His eyes remained on the guitar, while Alexis started laughing, clearly mocking him. Hoseok frowned at her, almost forgetting how just a few minutes ago, they were both on the hallway with him crying.

– Then I play the guitar and you can sing for them, she said taking the guitar from him, making sure the straps are well adjusted.

He didn’t fight her, nodding his head and waiting for her to starting playing the guitar, hoping that she would play something he knew as well. Fortunately, she stopped mocking him, playing an older song they used to listen to. The kids fell silent, listening to them carefully, Jiyoung even putting her little hands over her cheek while looking at them. Through her eyes, Alexis and Hoseok looked just perfect together and she might have as well been right.

They both got lost in the melody, forgetting for a second where they were, only to turn towards each other at the end. But their moment didn’t last long, a little voice being heard from the kids.

– So, is he your boyfriend after all? Jiyoung asked, smiling wide and hoping for a positive answer.

– Yes, he is, you little devil, Alexis answered laughing.

She put the guitar to a side, sitting down on the carpet as well and hugging Jiyoung from behind. The kids started telling her all kinds of stories like she did before Hoseok came in, laughs being heard from all sides. The kids were just like her, sick of a disease that could kill them, some being in better shape than others. All the could do for them was make them smile, even if it lasted for a little while. It was better than nothing.

In that atmosphere though, Hoseok didn’t move from his chair, looking at the girl he loved so much. It was hard for him to see her like that, thinner, with no hair and fighting a terrible disease. But even there, in the fire of the battle, she was smiling and laughing. She wasn’t giving in to the enemy, she was fighting and it was enough to give him some hope.

Alexis turned her head to look at him, still laughing and reaching her hand out to take his. Hoseok let out a little laugh, sitting down on the carpet as well and taking her hand.

He had already taken his decision meanwhile, making up his mind to stay with her until the very end. He wouldn’t have it any other way.


	3. Back to normal

By the end of the day, Alexis and Hoseok finally left the hospital together, him deciding to bring her home since she wasn’t feeling all that good after the chemotherapy session. He could see she was in pain, but he was trying to not bring it up. Instead, he was keeping his hand around her waist, making sure she won’t somehow fall as they slowly walked towards her apartment. The August air was starting to chill little by little as night was falling. It was just the perfect time for a little walk, even if it was only to her apartment. He also had to return to the dorm after leaving like that with no explanation.

Remembering the way he left the studio, Hoseok sighed loudly, getting Alexis’ attention to him in curiosity. He simply shook his head, bringing her a little closer and he kept walking.

– Something happened? she asked leaning her head kind of on his chest.

– I forgot to tell anyone where I went, he answered stopping at a red line and waiting to cross the street.

– Do you want my phone to call any of the guys?

– No, I will just tell them when I go back.

Alexis nodded her head, hugging him as they waited, closing her eyes for a few moments as well. She felt her body being in pain and her headache only seemed to get worse. All she wanted was to get home, put on some music and sleep until the next day. Hoseok took a glance at her, holding back his sigh as best as possible. It was impossible to not see that she was in pain, but there was nothing he could do for her except bring her home in one piece and help her get as comfortable as possible.

He tried to not hurry to be with her for a little longer, but also to not force her. He didn’t know how to act around her now. Was he supposed to be the way he used to be before or did he need to be different? And if being different was the right answer, in what way was he supposed to be different? His own head was spinning with all these question, the silence allowing the thoughts to walk freely around his mind. Hoseok only realized that they reached her apartment when she unlocked the door, dragging him in as well.

A smile spread on her face when she walked in, already dreaming of being in her bed. The girl took of her shoes, throwing her backpack on the floor, next to the couch and she let herself fall on the couch, closing her eyes.

– This is so much more comfortable, she said stretching her arms, then she let her whole body relax, her right leg even ending up on the floor.

– Was the hospital bed not nice to you? Hoseok asked leaning on the back of the couch, trying to act as normal as possible, trying to hide his worry and to see how she’d react to him being… Him.

– Boy, let me tell you! she almost shouted, raising a finger along with the whole arm, making him back away a little in surprise.

They both started laughing, naturally, but Hoseok also felt a little relieved. It was exactly the reaction he hoped from her. An unexpected reaction, Alexis being her spontaneous self. She has been so unpredictable for as long as he knew her. It was one of the things he loved about her, one of the things he wanted her to never lose. And she still had it, even in that moment, when others would lose their minds, she was able to surprise him and make him laugh.

Alexis reached out her arms towards him, asking for a hug. The man looked back at the door, wondering if he should hurry back to the dorms, but he couldn’t refuse a hug from her. He walked around the couch, dropping on his knees and he placed his head on her stomach facing her, but closing his eyes. One of his hands found its way around her waist while the other one held her, as Alexis softly played in his hair.

They didn’t get to spend time like this for months with him on tour. Truth be told, he wasn’t the only one who was busy.

Alexis Park, on her full name, was a Korean-Romanian writer and film director, working on writing her books and directing mostly music videos for artists in Korea, but she had also worked on two movies and was currently trying to start a whole series. She also worked on some music videos for Monsta X, but also many other groups. Her mother was from Romania, while her father was Korean and she lived in Romania until the age of eight, so she knew the language pretty well, too. And she now mostly used it to curse.

Long story short, they were both busy. It was some sort of miracle the media wasn’t yet aware of her disease taken the way they kept their eyes on any celebrity and she was one for sure, dating Hoseok bringing a lot more attention on her than she expected. Even now, as much as things died down after almost three years.

– How are you feeling? he asked finally opening his eyes so he could look at her.

– It hurts a little, I won’t lie to you, she answered letting her hand slowly fall on his cheek.

– Let’s get you in bed.

Hoseok got up, Alexis reaching her hand so he would help her, but instead he picked her up, laughing when she got scared and wrapped her arms around his neck. She frowned at him, hitting him over the chest, then crossing her arms. To make up for scaring her, he leaned forward, stealing a quick kiss from her.

– Okay, I will forgive you just because I’m too tired to scold you, she said looking around, not mad at all anymore.

He only started laughing again, starting to walk towards her bedroom. Alexis reached her head for the door knob, pushing the door open so they could go in. She expected him to drop her down after getting in the room, but he put her down on the bed, pulling a blanket over her body as well. She wanted to protest at first, that she wanted to change in her pajamas, but her clothes were comfortable enough to sleep in. The only thing she did though was take of her bra and throw it away.

The only problem was that, by pure accident, the bra hit Hoseok in the chest, falling at his feet. Alexis looked at him, thinking of something to say, while he closed his eyes for a few seconds, raising one of his fingers.

– I swear it wasn’t meant to-, she tried to say, but got cut off by Hoseok.

– No, just, uhm, he said looking at the bra, then he nodded his head. Nice… Nice color.

– Oh my God, go. Leave, shut up.

They both started laughing this time until Alexis pulled the blanket enough to cover her whole body and she dropped on the pillow. A silly thought crossed her mind, making her giggle again as her lover only looked at her with both confusion and curiosity.

– I don’t have to worry about my hair anymore, she said snapping her fingers and then pointing them at him.

Instead of laughing, he sighed, trying to not say anything else. Alexis shaved her head after the first chemotherapy session, since she observed right away that her hair was falling. She used to have curly hair, not too long, and she would color her hair from time to time as well. Taking care of her curly hair was, as she used to complain, a ‘pain in the ass’, but she liked it. Now it was gone and all she could do was watch pictures of herself having it.

Hoseok was also going to miss playing in her hair, as much as she let him. And maybe he would have laughed at her ‘joke’ if he didn’t knew why she didn’t have hair anymore.

– I love you, he said leaning down to kiss her again before leaving.

– I love you, too, she whispered smiling a little and she ran a hand through his hair.

– Should I lend you my hair from now on?

– Oh, you shouldn’t have asked.

He started laughing, that adorable laugh that always made her smile no matter what. But he still had to go, so he made sure one last time that she is well covered with the blanket and that she has everything she needed before heading out of the apartment.

After Hoseok closed the door behind him, he remained in place for a few seconds, then he moved closer to the wall so he could lean over it. He let out a sigh he’s been holding in ever since they sang for the kids in the hospital, his hands in his hair after that. If there were moments in his life when he wanted to scream, well, none of those felt as bad as that one. He wanted to scream, hit a wall, then scream again and curl into a ball and stay there, hoping that everything was only in his mind. Reality, however, wasn’t how he hoped to have it. It was cruel and it was going to take away from him the girl he loved so much.

After a couple of minutes, he finally left the place, trying to hurry back to the dorm. He was sure that, if not everyone, at least someone will ask him where did he run like that. He even dropped his phone, only hoping that one of the members took it.

It took him a few moments before he finally opened the door to the dorm, walking in quietly, but he heard voices from the living room. He didn’t know what to do, avoid them or at least go and ask for his phone? Stuck in place, he was about to take a step forward when he heard Hyunwoo calling his name. At least now he didn’t have much of a choice, so he traced his steps towards the living room, greeting everyone.

– We got your phone, Minhyuk said getting up from the couch, worry in his voice as it wasn’t hard to see the state Hoseok was in.

– And your jacket, Hyungwon saying only raising the jacket with one hand.

– I had a jacket today? he asked in a low voice, but enough for everyone to hear him, frowning while taking his jacket and he simply dropped on the couch.

Yet another sigh escaped his lips, loud enough to fill the whole room and bring silence above everyone present there as they didn’t know what was happening with Hoseok. The boys were looking at each other, asking from stares what to do, while Hoseok had his hands on his legs, looking down while being trapped once again in his thoughts. He was trying to find a solution to everything, hoping for a miracle to happen. Hoping for someone to find the cure to cancer in the next year.

Even for him it sounded stupid, but he felt desperate. But while he was caught inside his own mind, the boys were trying to get his attention. After all, Hyungwon got up from the couch, going in front of Hoseok and clapping his hands to bring him back on Earth. Except, Hoseok got so startled that he got up with the speed of lightning, making Hyungwon fall right on the floor.

– He can hear us, he said looking up at Hoseok with his eyebrows raised.

– I’m sorry, are you okay? Hoseok asked panicked, reaching his hand and helping Hyungwon back on his feet.

– Are you okay? Hyungwon asked him as well, taking a seat on the couch again.

Hoseok looked at each of them, trying to search for an answer in his mind. His head was spinning after that whole crazy day, he wasn’t even aware of how tired he was, but worry took the place of everything else for him.

– Alexis, she, uhm…, he said, closing his eyes and starting to massage his forehead with two fingers, not knowing how to continue his own sentence.

– Didn’t you two break up? asked Changkyun, getting a soft hit on his stomach by Jooheon who was sitting right next to him.

As much as there wasn’t that much noise in the room, Hoseok felt overwhelmed, dropping on the couch, hiding his face behind his hands. What he found out that day was the kind of news that is simply too much no matter where or how you say it. For him, it was way too much. And it made him break down again, tears filling his eyes.

Everyone was filled with worry in the blink of an eye, seeing him like that, how he was so agitated, how his leg wouldn’t stop tapping and his hand kept going through his hair. Kihyun tried to get closer to him, but the moment he wanted to ask what happened and put his hand on Hoseok’s shoulder, the man snapped.

– She has cancer.

Silence.

Silence ruled the room like a king, an emperor, and its ally was shock.

To let Alexis eventually tell the news herself would have maybe been a better option, but he was so panicked that he needed to talk to someone. It was only day one and he already felt that trapped in desperation. The words he just said felt like poison on his tongue. He remained strong throughout the day for Alexis, so she wouldn’t feel bad, so she wouldn’t be sad as well. Now, he got back his right to cry and he was using it. His tears felt of flame and fear and his head started to hurt.

Kihyun eventually put his hand on Hoseok’s shoulder, trying to offer him some kind of comfort in that moment. None of them dared to ask anything else, being still in shock.

She wasn’t just Hoseok’s girlfriend, she was their friend, all of them. They knew her for a long time, Alexis even working on some of their music videos or spending time with them around the company, as they liked to complain, ‘annoying the living hell’ out of them. And now she was sick of such a disease. They didn’t know any details yet, but seeing how Hoseok was like, curled up with his legs against his chest, crying without a stop, they were only expecting the worst and wishing for one thing. For everything to somehow get back to normal.


	4. Heartbeat

September came around pretty fast, a week already going by as if it never happened. Time was moving too fast for some people at that point and with that week being gone, Alexis was already one month short on… Life. She was trying not to dwell on it, to not spend her time counting down the days to go, she wanted to keep doing her job for as long as she could, spend time with her friends and family, make as many beautiful memories as possible. And Hoseok followed.

Any moment they could spend together, they spent it joking around, being happy in each other’s company. He was still worried from time to time, especially after every chemotherapy session Alexis underwent. She was feeling sick every time after those and as much as he tried his best to make her smile, he was worried sick.

With their schedule, it was hard to meet most of the times and it felt like a burden for both of them. He didn’t want to spend his time counting down the days to go either, but he was aware of the passing of time and he felt like he wasn’t spending enough time with her. After some time of analyzing the whole situation, he came up with only one good idea, but he could only hope it would turn out fine for both of them.

– Are you sure about this? Alexis asked as she turned her head towards Hoseok again.

They were looking for an apartment together. If they really couldn’t spend that much time together, he at least wanted to go to what was going to be their new home and bury himself in her embrace. She was reluctant about the whole thing, while he was a little scared. The fans were going to eventually find out, poor man didn’t even know when Dispatch would show up and just tell the whole world that they were living together and the Monbebes response to that whole situation really mattered to him.

He could only hope they would understand. The world now knew about Alexis being sick, they just didn’t know how much time she had left. Hoseok was simply hoping for the best.

– We’re already looking, is this the time to ask? he answered her laughing a little, then he kissed her on the cheek and took her hand.

She suggested for him to move in her apartment at first, but Hoseok wanted some kind of a fresh start. And he was looking for a specific type of apartment. He remembered her talking about wanting a big apartment, on the last floor on a building and for the apartment to even have two floors. It was, in fact, a very big apartment, but he wanted to give her a place where she felt good, a perfect place for both of them to call _home_. He was even going to buy two apartments on two different floors of the apartment building and connect them if he had to.

They contacted a real estate agent to help them find the perfect place while they were also spending their time looking for something online. They were even talking about how to make their new apartment look like, without even having the place yet.

While still planning on how to make their apartment look like, Hoseok’s phone started ringing. He recognized the agent’s number and answered the call right away, even getting up from the chair. Alexis looked curious at Hoseok while he was talking on the phone, waiting excited for him to finished as she was hoping for good news.

– He said that he found a place like the one we want, Hoseok said after he hanged up, seeing right away how excited Alexis was. We can go and see it any time we want.

– Even today? she asked putting her hands together, making him laugh.

– Do you want to go today?

– Do we have anything better to do?

He shook his head, eventually nodding and it was enough to make her get up and run to her room to get dressed up. It didn’t took her long as she only changed into the first clothes she put her hands on and went right back to Hoseok. She was always getting ready fast, she didn’t like wearing make-up and when she used to still have hair, she didn’t do much to it since it was curly, so all she had to do was let it be.

Just as they left her apartment, Hoseok took her hand, starting to go down the stairs. He avoided the elevator for her, since she was kind of claustrophobic. There were very rare occasions when she’d go up or down the elevator and that wasn’t one of them. They got in her car, waiting for Hoseok to call the real estate agent to ask for the address before they could leave anywhere. She was so excited that she start humming something, trying to not be too loud so Hoseok could talk on the phone. He still got distracted by her, though, having to ask one more time for the address before putting it on the GPS and hanging up the phone.

– What are you doing? he asked turning towards her when she even started dancing.

– If I want something now! she started singing with more passion this time, as much as her voice wasn’t really made for singing. That’s a day dream! They dream, they dream.

Taken by surprise, Hoseok pulled back a little, looking confused at her, only to then realize that she was singing ‘_Daydream_’ by J-Hope. He first shook his head, but decided to put on the song, which made her smile even brighter, if that was even possible anymore. Hoseok had to stare at her for a couple of moments before she eventually turned on the car so they could leave to see the apartment.

Alexis kept singing for a few minutes, stopping slowly so she could let only Hoseok sing instead. She liked hearing his voice, it helped her relax even as she was driving, so the road to the apartment building seemed faster that it actually was. The agent waited for them in front of the building before bringing them inside and to the last level of the building.

Before going in, Alexis took Hoseok’s hand as if who knows what was waiting for them behind that door. They finally stepped in, being greeted by a large, empty room and a balcony with one hell of a view of the city. On the right there was the space Alexis already visualized as the kitchen while the rest was perfect for the living room. The set of stairs to the next floor was right next to the wall and upstairs were three rooms and one bathroom while downstairs there were two rooms and another bathroom, but one of the rooms was really big.

Alexis ran upstairs, looking around the first room, then he turned around, seeing that about the kitchen there was another room to call it saw, actually a platform, an open space she could turn into a cozy place and it was connected with the second floor via some kind of a bridge with balustrades on each side so no one would fall down by accident.

The apartment was empty, so they had to furnish it, but Alexis was already imagining the whole place. She was already trying to sell her apartment, any furniture she had around was going to be brought there and they would buy the rest.

– I want it, she told Hoseok from the second floor, looking down at him and hoping for a positive answer.

– We’re getting it, he answered smiling, his heart filling with joy when he saw her so happy.

***

Alexis and Hoseok were able to move in together somewhere during the end of September, since they had to furnish the place a little before they could use it. He was maybe a little sad to not live in the dorm with his friends anymore, but they were understanding enough to even help him pack his stuff during the whole thing.

The apartment wasn’t fully furnished yet, actually it still needed a lot of stuff, but they had all they needed for the moment. And they were proud. They were both sure that it was going to take them much longer before moving together and yet there they were.

They were sitting in the living room, looking around the house a little, not believing that they were there yet. Alexis was ready to turn on the TV and play some music when her attention got distracted by Hoseok who got up from the couch and went to his bag. She looked confused at him, not saying anything though, but she saw him turning back with an actual pretty, black box in his hands. He looked at her for a few seconds, only then opening the box, revealing two black rings that looked the same.

– Rings? she asked looking at them, not daring to touch them yet. Matching rings? What’s on your mind, pretty boy?

– Give me your phone, he said setting the box between them on the couch.

Alexis looked pretty reluctant at him, but eventually gave him her phone, waiting to see what was he going to do with it. She saw that he was downloading some kind of app, but she had no idea what exactly was that app about. Her confusion was even bigger when he took his phone as well, doing who knows what on both of them.

When Hoseok put the phones down, Alexis kept watching him curious, not saying anything even when he took her hand and put one of the rings on her finger. But when Hoseok put his ring on his finger, she jumped back, feeling hers… Pulsating.

– What is this?! she asked so startled, she almost took of the ring, but he stopped her right away.

– HB rings, he answered starting to laugh due to her reaction.

– What rings?

– For a better explanation, that’s my heartbeat, he said pointing towards the ring she was wearing.

Alexis looked down at her hand, frowning a little. She then looked at him, ending up looking back at the ring. That ring was allowing her to feel his heartbeat. As much as she was amazed, she was shocked and purely confused.

– You want us to be one of those couples? she asked raising the hand with the ring, then an idea popped in her mind. Do some push-ups.

– What? Hoseok asked confused, not knowing if he should stay where he is or get up.

– Do some push-ups, or move, do something.

He looked at her still confused for a couple of seconds, but he eventually got up from the couch, doing a set of push-ups. When he got back up on his feet, Alexis was already looking at the ring, more interested this time. She took of the ring all of a sudden, making him look at her just as confused as she was that whole time.

– You don’t feel anything anymore, right? she asked holding the ring in her hand.

Hoseok shook his head, sitting back on the couch. He was about to ask her to put the ring back, when a smile spread on her face, a smile that told him to be scared of whatever was about to happen next.

– I could scare the hell out of you, Alexis said starting to laugh, but his eyes grew wider.

– Don’t do that! Hoseok protested, being stuck in place, not sure about what he should do next.

While still laughing, Alexis put back the ring and showed it to him so he could calm down. She wasn’t entirely sure about why he bought those rings for them, but she had her guesses about his intention, but nothing was certain.

The girl moved the box from between them and turned on the TV, not on music anymore, but to look for a movie so they could both enjoy their first night in the apartment in peace and quite. Even if it was just the first day, that whole place gave them a good feeling.

A feeling of being _home_.


	5. Red

After the whole promotion of the album, Monsta X took a break. Well, what could count as a break, their schedule was still pretty much full, but they were used to it. Despite all of that, the boys found an opportunity to spend time together for one day back at the dorms. Hoseok almost refused to go, since Alexis wasn’t feeling all that well that day, but she was also the one who literally threw him out the door. She wasn’t going to take him away from the boys like that, he needed to spend some time with his friends as well. That and she was planning to spend the day with her best friend, too, that’s how he accepted to go after all. 

On the way to the dorm, Hoseok stopped at a store to buy some drinks and some snacks. He checked his phone while on his way, shaking his head after all. His worry didn’t leave him, but he decided to put them aside, at least for the moment. Even he deserved a break. 

He was ready to walk inside the dorm without even thinking about knocking and he did try, but the door was locked. Looking confused at the door, Hoseok trying opening it again as if it would open that time by magic. That didn’t happen. 

– I know you’re home, open the door! Hoseok shouted, knocking again at the door, but he could swear he only heard someone laughing from the other side of the door, which also made him laugh. Hey!

– Only if you say the password! one of the boys answered from the other side of the door. 

– There wasn’t a password last time I was here! Hoseok answered, leaning on the side of the door. I’m keeping all the food for me, then. 

It only took a few moments for the door to be unlocked after everyone heard the word ‘food’, Hoseok being able to step inside the house. Everyone was already in the middle of the ‘party’, enjoying their free time. It wasn’t all that much so there wasn’t really time to go anywhere, but since it’s been some time since they last stayed together like that, it was just perfect. After Hoseok threw his jacket on the coat hanger and let the bag with what he bought in the living room, he joined everyone in the living room, ready to just forget some of the stress that was trying to bring him down. 

***  
Once night settled, the boys took on to an activity that didn’t require too much energy from any of them: a game of cards, loser has to buy food for everyone next time they have practice. For one simple game, everyone was really heated, looking left and right to try and catch a glimpse of the other ones cards, but it wasn’t really working. Though, while everyone was paying attention to the game and the game only, Hoseok kept looking at his phone from time to time, even putting his cards one to send a message.   
Seeing how he was so distracted, Minhyuk decided to catch his attention again by taking his cards and looking through them. And it worked, since Hoseok immediately reached out to try and take his cards back, but Minhyuk was also pulling himself away, the room being filled with laughter again. 

– That’s cheating! complained Hoseok after he got his cards back, but there was no need to hide them now. 

– Pay attention to the game next time! said Minhyuk in his defence, ready to run away if he had to. Who are you texting anyway?

– I was checking on Alexis. 

Silence fell in the room for a short time. None of the boys knew what was the proper way to act around when it came to Alexis anymore. She looked like her old self, always ready to help, happy and with the same passion for the stories she was coming up with. Hoseok was pretty much his usual self as well, but when it came to her worry took over him and he was never sure of what to do either. He just wanted for her to be better, as much as he was that the clock was ticking for her, a part of him hoped, prayed that a miracle would happen and she would one day come home saying that she is not sick anymore. It wasn’t happening. 

Not wanting to be the one to bring the mood down, Hoseok stole Minhyuk’s card, who was seated at his left side, and Jooheon’s card, who was seated at his right side, throwing them over the rest of the card and he started mixing them. 

– Now that is cheating! complained Minhyuk this time who reached out for his cards, but it was too late to take them back. I had some really good cards.

– You don’t anymore, said Hoseok who was also laughing, trying to bring the mood back again.

As a way to respond to that, everyone threw their cards on the floor, getting ready for another match. With that, Hoseok also decided to try and keep his calm, and with that, to keep his eyes away from his phone. Alexis wasn’t even home alone, but it still didn’t make him any less worried. It felt like things simply weren’t right if it wasn’t him the one being next to her. 

After the cards game was over with Hyungwon being the one to lose and with them messing around for a few more hours, everyone settled in the living room, turning off all the lights in the house, the only light seen being the one from the full moon outside. They were talking about all kind of topings and bringing back all kind of memories, even from the first time they met, all the way to the present. Everything was going well for them by then and they managed to surpass any hardship trying to get in their way. With that, though, a new one was right on its way, one they were all aware of and one that was easily able to turn the world of one of them totaly upside down. 

Each of them, no matter how close or not so close to Alexis they were, hated to think of what was coming up her way. Inevitable of not, it felt wrong, but the thought of it didn’t cease to pop up at times and disturb them once again. It felt merciless, what she has to go through. They all saw her as a really good person and no one could change their mind.

– Hey, how is Alexis? asked Kihyun while looking up at the ceiling, curious on a number of stuff, like everyone else for that matter. 

Hoseok sighed, not because he didn’t want to answer the question, but because the answer wasn’t the best one. He could have lied, but it didn’t bring any good to anyone so, before answering, he looked for a more comfortable position, putting his hands under his head at the end. 

– She keeps losing weight, Hoseok answered closing his eyes for a few moments, looking for the right words. Other for that, she’s not any worse, but neither is she any better. The good part, she finally dropped smoking after I kept telling her to do it for so long. 

It was a bad joke, one of the worst he could ever make and he was aware of it, but he simply couldn’t keep those words for himself. He needed to tell them to someone. Everyone understood that, that’s why none of them dared judge him for it. Good words or bad words, Hoseok was just as human as all of them, he needed to talk about the things that were bringing him down so he could keep his head at the surface. 

– When did she start smoking? asked Shownu turning his head to look at Hoseok, but he eventually looked away from his once again.

– It’s a long story, the man answered pulling a blanket over himself. 

– We have all night. 

– It started when her parents divorced. We were both fifteen at the time...

***  
– What do you want to do? asked Hoseok, trying to think of something that would bring his friend out of the state of saddness she was caught into.

– It doesn’t matter, Alexis answered shrugging her shoulders and she kicked a small rock from the ground, obviously caught in her on thoughts.

– What about that cat cafe? You like that place. 

The girl didn’t answer, instead she simply shrugged again. Her parents kept having fights over fights for the last two years and they finally came to a conclusion, divorce. It wasn’t that she didn’t expect it at some point, but she never thought of the out come. Her mother was going to go back to her home country, Romania, all the way on another continent, while her father was going to stay in South Korea. Now that they were getting a divorce, both of them wanted her to stay with them and they kept pulling her in two different directions to the point where she couldn’t help but cry while being alone. Alexis didn’t know which decision was the right one. 

Staying with her father meant not being able to visit Romania, a country that represented her homeland for some years. She still had some friends there, her parents that she really loved lived there and she wouldn’t have been able to see the mountains once again. 

Staying with her mother meant leaving South Korea and everything she actually knew behind. She would lose another part of the family and the friends she made there and the hardest one to lose was the boy that was trying so hard to make her happier in that moment, Lee Hoseok. 

While the boy kept suggesting things to do, desperately trying to bring her joy to her, the girl couldn’t hear all the words he was saying, just glimpses of them. When he started excitedly walking ahead of her, Alexis pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter, lighting a cigarette and even taking a smoke before Hoseok’s attention finally moved back to her. Right then, his heart skipped a beat and he rushed towards her, pulling the cigarrete out of her mouth and he threw it straight on the ground. 

There was nothing else but confusion and worry in Hoseok’s eyes, while Alexis looked at him rather mad. He was too taken back by what she just did to observe her burning stare, but she reached for another cigarette. The boy didn’t waste any time, this time taking away her whole pack, but that only got her more mad. She tried to keep her calm, but after not talking about the things bothering her, everything turned into a mountain of frustration in her mind and she exploded.

– La dracu, ce rahat crezi că faci?! she asked him in Romanian, the anger so big that she just chose the first language that came through her head to use for speaking. 

As expected, Hoseok didn’t understand anything, but he was used to her using Romanian as a language to curse in, so he could only guess that she probably said to him some not so nice stuff. All in all, he wasn’t far from the truth. His eyes fell on a trash bin soon after and he didn’t waste one moment to try and get rid of the pack of cigarettes. He was mad himself now that his friend would just simply do something like this, but he was also concerned. He knew part of the situation she was fighting with, but she always refused to give any details and now there she was, smoking as if it’s nothing. 

– Instead of smoking, why don’t you talk what about what makes you sad? he suggested doing his best to be the one to keep his calm in hope that she would calm down as well. 

– Do you know how much those shits cost? Alexis asked, not that loud this time. 

She was struggling to avoid the subject, she was close to tears again. Her parents didn’t just divorce, they were even going to live kilometers away, on two different continents and she had to choose one of them. She didn’t know how the other one would feel when she would make her choice and to make it worse, her mother was going to leave the country in two weeks. Alexis had two weeks to take a decision too hard for her to handle. 

By then, Hoseok knew her well enough to be aware of the times she felt mad, sad or even close to tears. She was definitely close to tears and his suspicion got confirmed when she reached her hand out, pointing to the trash bin and trying to say something, but words wouldn’t come out. Her eyes got watery, her lip started trembling and she took a deep breath in a desperate atempt to not start crying. Her plan failed when Hoseok hugged her, even as mad as he was on her for doing such a stupid thing like smoking. 

– Are you going to talk now? he asked looking down at her since he was taller. 

– I don’t know what to do, she complained backing away while wiping her tears. Dad wants me to stay with him here, mom wants me to go with her in Romania, I don’t know what to do. And they keep pulling me all over the place, I don’t know what to do...

Hoseok’s eyes grew wider at the mentioning of Romania. That would have meant not being able to see her so often anymore, maybe never see her again. If he would have been selfish, he would have told her to stay there, but he had to think of his friend’s well being and how everything affected her. Taking a deep breath, he showed her a little smile, searching every corner of his mind for the right words. 

– You can’t just go around doing stupid things because of this, though. Give it a little thought, think about which decision makes you happy. Your parents are acting the wrong way. 

Alexis looked at him for a few seconds, but she ended up laughing a little which made him confused once again. 

– Since when are you good at giving advices? she asked sniffing her nose. 

– Oh, he said not really having an answer which resulted in him forcing a little chuckle. 

***  
– So, did she stay? Minhyuk asked, rolling on his belly on the floor. 

– And you all call me stupid, Hoseok said making a circle though the air suggesting that he was talking about everyone in the room.

A wave of laughter echoed throughout the room, dying down after a few moments and they changed the subject once again. That was enough Alexis talk for the night. The jokes made their way in the room again, pillows being thrown from one side of the living room to the other one when you’d least expect it.   
It raised some of the tension off their shoulders, especially Hoseok who, for the rest of the night, didn’t touch his phone again. He just fiddled with his ring from time to time, smiling a little at the feeling of the heart beat. Alexis’ heart beat.


	6. First smoke

After the whole promotion of the album, Monsta X took a break. Well, what could count as a break, their schedule was still pretty much full, but they were used to it. Despite all of that, the boys found an opportunity to spend time together for one day back at the dorms. Hoseok almost refused to go, since Alexis wasn’t feeling all that well that day, but she was also the one who literally threw him out the door. She wasn’t going to take him away from the boys like that, he needed to spend some time with his friends as well. That and she was planning to spend the day with her best friend, too, that’s how he accepted to go after all.   
On the way to the dorm, Hoseok stopped at a store to buy some drinks and some snacks. He checked his phone while on his way, shaking his head after all. His worry didn’t leave him, but he decided to put them aside, at least for the moment. Even he deserved a break.   
He was ready to walk inside the dorm without even thinking about knocking and he did try, but the door was locked. Looking confused at the door, Hoseok trying opening it again as if it would open that time by magic. That didn’t happen.   
– I know you’re home, open the door! Hoseok shouted, knocking again at the door, but he could swear he only heard someone laughing from the other side of the door, which also made him laugh. Hey!  
– Only if you say the password! one of the boys answered from the other side of the door.   
– There wasn’t a password last time I was here! Hoseok answered, leaning on the side of the door. I’m keeping all the food for me, then.   
It only took a few moments for the door to be unlocked after everyone heard the word ‘food’, Hoseok being able to step inside the house. Everyone was already in the middle of the ‘party’, enjoying their free time. It wasn’t all that much so there wasn’t really time to go anywhere, but since it’s been some time since they last stayed together like that, it was just perfect. After Hoseok threw his jacket on the coat hanger and let the bag with what he bought in the living room, he joined everyone in the living room, ready to just forget some of the stress that was trying to bring him down. 

***  
Once night settled, the boys took on to an activity that didn’t require too much energy from any of them: a game of cards, loser has to buy food for everyone next time they have practice. For one simple game, everyone was really heated, looking left and right to try and catch a glimpse of the other ones cards, but it wasn’t really working. Though, while everyone was paying attention to the game and the game only, Hoseok kept looking at his phone from time to time, even putting his cards one to send a message.   
Seeing how he was so distracted, Minhyuk decided to catch his attention again by taking his cards and looking through them. And it worked, since Hoseok immediately reached out to try and take his cards back, but Minhyuk was also pulling himself away, the room being filled with laughter again.   
– That’s cheating! complained Hoseok after he got his cards back, but there was no need to hide them now.   
– Pay attention to the game next time! said Minhyuk in his defence, ready to run away if he had to. Who are you texting anyway?  
– I was checking on Alexis.   
Silence fell in the room for a short time. None of the boys knew what was the proper way to act around when it came to Alexis anymore. She looked like her old self, always ready to help, happy and with the same passion for the stories she was coming up with. Hoseok was pretty much his usual self as well, but when it came to her worry took over him and he was never sure of what to do either. He just wanted for her to be better, as much as he was that the clock was ticking for her, a part of him hoped, prayed that a miracle would happen and she would one day come home saying that she is not sick anymore. It wasn’t happening.   
Not wanting to be the one to bring the mood down, Hoseok stole Minhyuk’s card, who was seated at his left side, and Jooheon’s card, who was seated at his right side, throwing them over the rest of the card and he started mixing them.   
– Now that is cheating! complained Minhyuk this time who reached out for his cards, but it was too late to take them back. I had some really good cards.  
– You don’t anymore, said Hoseok who was also laughing, trying to bring the mood back again.  
As a way to respond to that, everyone threw their cards on the floor, getting ready for another match. With that, Hoseok also decided to try and keep his calm, and with that, to keep his eyes away from his phone. Alexis wasn’t even home alone, but it still didn’t make him any less worried. It felt like things simply weren’t right if it wasn’t him the one being next to her.   
After the cards game was over with Hyungwon being the one to lose and with them messing around for a few more hours, everyone settled in the living room, turning off all the lights in the house, the only light seen being the one from the full moon outside. They were talking about all kind of topings and bringing back all kind of memories, even from the first time they met, all the way to the present. Everything was going well for them by then and they managed to surpass any hardship trying to get in their way. With that, though, a new one was right on its way, one they were all aware of and one that was easily able to turn the world of one of them totaly upside down.   
Each of them, no matter how close or not so close to Alexis they were, hated to think of what was coming up her way. Inevitable of not, it felt wrong, but the thought of it didn’t cease to pop up at times and disturb them once again. It felt merciless, what she has to go through. They all saw her as a really good person and no one could change their mind.  
– Hey, how is Alexis? asked Kihyun while looking up at the ceiling, curious on a number of stuff, like everyone else for that matter.   
Hoseok sighed, not because he didn’t want to answer the question, but because the answer wasn’t the best one. He could have lied, but it didn’t bring any good to anyone so, before answering, he looked for a more comfortable position, putting his hands under his head at the end.   
– She keeps losing weight, Hoseok answered closing his eyes for a few moments, looking for the right words. Other for that, she’s not any worse, but neither is she any better. The good part, she finally dropped smoking after I kept telling her to do it for so long.   
It was a bad joke, one of the worst he could ever make and he was aware of it, but he simply couldn’t keep those words for himself. He needed to tell them to someone. Everyone understood that, that’s why none of them dared judge him for it. Good words or bad words, Hoseok was just as human as all of them, he needed to talk about the things that were bringing him down so he could keep his head at the surface.   
– When did she start smoking? asked Shownu turning his head to look at Hoseok, but he eventually looked away from his once again.  
– It’s a long story, the man answered pulling a blanket over himself.   
– We have all night.   
– It started when her parents divorced. We were both fifteen at the time...

***  
– What do you want to do? asked Hoseok, trying to think of something that would bring his friend out of the state of saddness she was caught into.  
– It doesn’t matter, Alexis answered shrugging her shoulders and she kicked a small rock from the ground, obviously caught in her on thoughts.  
– What about that cat cafe? You like that place.   
The girl didn’t answer, instead she simply shrugged again. Her parents kept having fights over fights for the last two years and they finally came to a conclusion, divorce. It wasn’t that she didn’t expect it at some point, but she never thought of the out come. Her mother was going to go back to her home country, Romania, all the way on another continent, while her father was going to stay in South Korea. Now that they were getting a divorce, both of them wanted her to stay with them and they kept pulling her in two different directions to the point where she couldn’t help but cry while being alone. Alexis didn’t know which decision was the right one.   
Staying with her father meant not being able to visit Romania, a country that represented her homeland for some years. She still had some friends there, her parents that she really loved lived there and she wouldn’t have been able to see the mountains once again.   
Staying with her mother meant leaving South Korea and everything she actually knew behind. She would lose another part of the family and the friends she made there and the hardest one to lose was the boy that was trying so hard to make her happier in that moment, Lee Hoseok.   
While the boy kept suggesting things to do, desperately trying to bring her joy to her, the girl couldn’t hear all the words he was saying, just glimpses of them. When he started excitedly walking ahead of her, Alexis pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter, lighting a cigarette and even taking a smoke before Hoseok’s attention finally moved back to her. Right then, his heart skipped a beat and he rushed towards her, pulling the cigarrete out of her mouth and he threw it straight on the ground.   
There was nothing else but confusion and worry in Hoseok’s eyes, while Alexis looked at him rather mad. He was too taken back by what she just did to observe her burning stare, but she reached for another cigarette. The boy didn’t waste any time, this time taking away her whole pack, but that only got her more mad. She tried to keep her calm, but after not talking about the things bothering her, everything turned into a mountain of frustration in her mind and she exploded.  
– La dracu, ce rahat crezi că faci?!* she asked him in Romanian, the anger so big that she just chose the first language that came through her head to use for speaking.   
As expected, Hoseok didn’t understand anything, but he was used to her using Romanian as a language to curse in, so he could only guess that she probably said to him some not so nice stuff. All in all, he wasn’t far from the truth. His eyes fell on a trash bin soon after and he didn’t waste one moment to try and get rid of the pack of cigarettes. He was mad himself now that his friend would just simply do something like this, but he was also concerned. He knew part of the situation she was fighting with, but she always refused to give any details and now there she was, smoking as if it’s nothing.   
– Instead of smoking, why don’t you talk what about what makes you sad? he suggested doing his best to be the one to keep his calm in hope that she would calm down as well.   
– Do you know how much those shits cost? Alexis asked, not that loud this time.   
She was struggling to avoid the subject, she was close to tears again. Her parents didn’t just divorce, they were even going to live kilometers away, on two different continents and she had to choose one of them. She didn’t know how the other one would feel when she would make her choice and to make it worse, her mother was going to leave the country in two weeks. Alexis had two weeks to take a decision too hard for her to handle.   
By then, Hoseok knew her well enough to be aware of the times she felt mad, sad or even close to tears. She was definitely close to tears and his suspicion got confirmed when she reached her hand out, pointing to the trash bin and trying to say something, but words wouldn’t come out. Her eyes got watery, her lip started trembling and she took a deep breath in a desperate atempt to not start crying. Her plan failed when Hoseok hugged her, even as mad as he was on her for doing such a stupid thing like smoking.   
– Are you going to talk now? he asked looking down at her since he was taller.   
– I don’t know what to do, she complained backing away while wiping her tears. Dad wants me to stay with him here, mom wants me to go with her in Romania, I don’t know what to do. And they keep pulling me all over the place, I don’t know what to do...  
Hoseok’s eyes grew wider at the mentioning of Romania. That would have meant not being able to see her so often anymore, maybe never see her again. If he would have been selfish, he would have told her to stay there, but he had to think of his friend’s well being and how everything affected her. Taking a deep breath, he showed her a little smile, searching every corner of his mind for the right words.   
– You can’t just go around doing stupid things because of this, though. Give it a little thought, think about which decision makes you happy. Your parents are acting the wrong way.   
Alexis looked at him for a few seconds, but she ended up laughing a little which made him confused once again.   
– Since when are you good at giving advices? she asked sniffing her nose.   
– Oh, he said not really having an answer which resulted in him forcing a little chuckle. 

***  
– So, did she stay? Minhyuk asked, rolling on his belly on the floor.   
– And you all call me stupid, Hoseok said making a circle though the air suggesting that he was talking about everyone in the room.  
A wave of laughter echoed throughout the room, dying down after a few moments and they changed the subject once again. That was enough Alexis talk for the night. The jokes made their way in the room again, pillows being thrown from one side of the living room to the other one when you’d least expect it.   
It raised some of the tension off their shoulders, especially Hoseok who, for the rest of the night, didn’t touch his phone again. He just fiddled with his ring from time to time, smiling a little at the feeling of the heart beat. Alexis’ heart beat.

__________  
* Damn it, what the fuck do you think you're doing? (translated from Romanian)


End file.
